Thursday, June 24, 2010

Tender Mercies

For those who don't know, we were matched with a birthmother due in only a month and it fell through last week. This is the second time in two years that we were going to adopt a baby girl and had the adoption fail. It's crazy how my frequent experience with loss has affected the grieving this time. I've felt very frustrated with the loss after loss we have faced and continue to face trying to grow our family. I just want the grieving to be over and to move on. I've felt lost and unsure about what we should do next. Looking over the options again just makes me feel more unsure and frustrated and this has been voiced in my prayers.

Anyway, I decided today to return some of the clothes I bought for baby girl at Walmart. As much as I dreaded the feelings this would cause, I dreaded more what I would say when the returns cashier asked for my reason for returning them. I planned on just responding no when they asked about them being defective and then staying quiet. Well that didn't work. After asking if they were defective, she asked if they just didn't work out and I said yes. Then she commented about how cute they were and how it was a shame they didn't work out. She asked if I was pregnant. After saying no, she asked if they had been for a friend. After a second no, I quietly told her how we were supposed to adopt but it fell through. She said how sorry she was for my loss. She went on about how she'd been off her mission for two months now and how lately she’s felt badly about not being married. She told me about a talk she'd heard about Sarah of the bible and how it had helped her. She quickly recounted how Sarah was married to Abraham and they had no children. That God promised Abraham that Abraham's posterity would number as many as the stars. So with Sarah being infertile, Sarah gave Abraham the permission to marry her handmaiden Hagar and Hagar conceived a son. But Sarah eventually did bear Isaac.

I know what the cashier had to say next was Heavenly Father answering my prayers. She said "just think if Sarah would have waited and not rushed things by making her own decision." Only at the Rexburg Walmart…God does answer prayers.