I must give a big thank you to Grooveshark (like Pandora) and Jenny Oaks Baker. I woke up yesterday morning with lingering thoughts and feelings from the day before but after listening at work to the pure sounds of Jenny Oaks Baker playing the violin I feel better. It has been an emotional couple weeks. A couple weeks ago marked 3 years since we were approved to adopt and still our nursery's door stays closed. It is still all decorated from our previous failed adoption.
We've gave great thought and even looked into adopting older children. Most of these children come with special emotional and developmental needs and I do not have the emotional or time resources to spend (being honest with myself). We have to weigh Owen's best interests too and he is just not mature enough. Most the situations want the adopted child to be the youngest and a substantial age difference to between them and any existing children. So no matter what we do we wait. And my little persistant personality struggles with waiting because it goes against my core belief about being proactive.I didn't just wait to become a valevictorian in high school or graduate Cum Laude from BYU-Idaho. I worked and worked just like Rudy who worked his tail off to play for the Notre Dame football team.
Perhaps the "writing on the wall" is to stop kicking at the barriers on my road of life because it causes me extreme emotional pain. I need to stop focusing on what I can do next and just enjoy life. If I quietly work on our adoption efforts, it will mean it won't be my main priority anymore and I can focus on and enjoy the family I have in the here and now instead. If anything this adoption journey, and even our journey to Owen, has taught me is that the amount of effort you put forth in adoption does not guarantee you will find success.
So I've decided just to quietly work on our biggest road block in adopting again. Though an expectant parent's free agency is the biggest roadblock I have no control over that area. I can work on the next biggest road block which has been the lack of financial resources when more expensive adoption opportunities come up. We do have an attorney in Florida who is on the lookout for a situation in a reasonable budget range but even then we need to raise/save more for that. Right now the majority of infant adoptions cost between $25 to $35K. So my pie in the sky goal is $30K but even earning a few thousand would help.
I've started a little boutique called the Three Bears Boutique where I can sell handmade accessories and put the profits into our adoption savings in hopes that if an adoption opportunity comes along we will have the funds to consider it. Right now I have crocheted items but I hope I can get some other ladies to sell their items in my boutique who are talented in other areas like bow making, jewelry, or sewing and who are willing to give a little of their profits to our fund. I needed something that would be fun (so it wouldn't become stressful), not adoption related, and not all time consuming (currently working on that part). So go visit my boutique even if only to see and enjoy my mad skills. LOL.
We've gave great thought and even looked into adopting older children. Most of these children come with special emotional and developmental needs and I do not have the emotional or time resources to spend (being honest with myself). We have to weigh Owen's best interests too and he is just not mature enough. Most the situations want the adopted child to be the youngest and a substantial age difference to between them and any existing children. So no matter what we do we wait. And my little persistant personality struggles with waiting because it goes against my core belief about being proactive.I didn't just wait to become a valevictorian in high school or graduate Cum Laude from BYU-Idaho. I worked and worked just like Rudy who worked his tail off to play for the Notre Dame football team.
Perhaps the "writing on the wall" is to stop kicking at the barriers on my road of life because it causes me extreme emotional pain. I need to stop focusing on what I can do next and just enjoy life. If I quietly work on our adoption efforts, it will mean it won't be my main priority anymore and I can focus on and enjoy the family I have in the here and now instead. If anything this adoption journey, and even our journey to Owen, has taught me is that the amount of effort you put forth in adoption does not guarantee you will find success.
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| http://threebearsboutique.blogspot.com |
I've started a little boutique called the Three Bears Boutique where I can sell handmade accessories and put the profits into our adoption savings in hopes that if an adoption opportunity comes along we will have the funds to consider it. Right now I have crocheted items but I hope I can get some other ladies to sell their items in my boutique who are talented in other areas like bow making, jewelry, or sewing and who are willing to give a little of their profits to our fund. I needed something that would be fun (so it wouldn't become stressful), not adoption related, and not all time consuming (currently working on that part). So go visit my boutique even if only to see and enjoy my mad skills. LOL.
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