Thoughts

Barry and I are doing as well as possible considering what we've just gone through. We went down to Salt Lake Saturday morning just to getaway. We had a fun time going out to eat and shopping with Barry's sister Amanda. I took the opportunity to read and finish the 4th book in the Twilight series, "Breaking Dawn" in the car. I quite enjoyed it and it was so nice just to immerse my thoughts in something new. It was hard coming home though. I still have some baby gear to take back downstairs and I've been avoiding it. There are a couple little accessories and two outfits I'm keeping with a hope and a prayer we'll get another baby girl.

Over the past couple days, I've had lots of time to think about this failed adoption though. Many questions have come to mind. Why did our potential birth mother change her mind? Why did it need to happen? Was there anything we could have done to go the extra mile? Was God's will done? I wish I had some satisfiable answers. For one thing, I don't quite think she was prepared for the difficultly she was to face. Wednesday, the day the baby was born she was fine, but Thursday she was very emotional and not thinking clearly. Also, she didn't bond with us due to time constraints. I know that made a difference with Owen's placement. Owen's birth mother truly loved us and we loved her (and still do).

 

One scripture has come to mind throughout this trial. About 3 weeks ago, we were reading in Sunday School the sections where Alma the Younger speaks to each of his sons before his passing. In section 38 of Alma, Alma talks to his son Shiblon who had suffered much persecution on his mission. Verse 4 really hit home and now I know why. "... and thou didst bear all these things with patience because the Lord was with thee;..." I have felt the Lord's help and I know I can be patient because he is helping me through this.